My student’s tell me all of the time that I’m so “fancy” compared to the other teachers. I get shit from my friends because I don’t out in public without bronzer, gloss and mascara, and Michael is always on my case about how long it takes me to get ready before we go out… but here’s the thing… this is me!
Don’t get me wrong, I love to lounge around the house in sweats and even on an occasion I will run out to the store in (brace yourself) jeans, sweatshirt, and Uggs; and when my students see me they barely recognize me..lol. But most of the time this is me: a high strung, glitter loving, champagne drinking, high heel wearing, pink obsessed, perfectionist. It took me a LONG time to get to this place, but I’m actually starting to love who I am. Throughout my teens and 20’s I struggled to find “the real Tantra”. I traveled the world aimlessly looking for her. I changed my hair, my style, my interests, my major, my location… my life… just to find myself back where I started… HOME.
At first I struggled being here in small town USA (and there are days that I still do), because I just don’t blend in. I tried to be like the other girls… the really cool-laid back chics who ride four-wheelers and snow mobiles, go camping, and shoot guns. Believe me, I CAN and have done all of these things, I just don’t like to. I tried soooo hard to be THAT girl, to the point where I didn’t even recognize myself when I looked into the mirror. It wasn’t until after I had Ella that I finally had enough…
I couldn’t have my daughter growing up with a weak and insecure mother! I want to be a good, strong, healthy role model to my daughter (and my students). I want her to look at me and be proud of the person I am and the strength that I have. I want Ella to know that she REALLY can be anything she wants to and I will do my best to make sure she achieves it. Here’s the thing, and I wish my 31 year old self could sit down with my 13 year old self and say this: YOU ARE AMAZING…I have a feeling that Ella will be the cool, laid back, tutu and glitter wearing, four-wheeler riding, pink obsessed, gun shooting, princess and I am beyond thrilled with that…. She WILL know how special and beautiful she is. I will hug and kiss her obsessively even though she doesn’t want me to. I will be her best friend, BIGGEST fan, and her worst enemy (probably all in the same day at one point). But most of all, I will teach her to LOVE herself because the world can be a tough place and she is AMAZING the way she is!
I love getting glammed up for the hell of it. I wear belts covered in glitter on a regular basis. I wear make up to the gym (not full face but enough not to look scary). I hate running in the rain because it ruins my hair. try not to wear the same outfit the entire school year (yes I can replicated tops and bottoms just interchange them). I’d rather wear heels than boots (the higher the better). I’m not a great cook (but I AM going to get better). I can plan the shiz out of a party (gimme a theme, I’ll show you a good time). I’m pretty crafty, totally bad ass with a glue gun.. I wear colored contacts just to change me look. I like love getting compliments on my outfits. I’d rather read fashion magazines that books (but I go through phases where I will read tons of books). I like me and Ella to wear matching outfits (there will be a day that will end, so for now I’m embracing it). I’m not shallow, I just like to be my BEST self. I’m not a ditz because I care about the way I look, I possess a masters degree and one day will get my PHD… one day. This is just who I am… and ya know what? I FINALLY think I’m pretty awesome….