I’m just not THAT kind of girl…

My student’s tell me all of the time that I’m so “fancy” compared to the other teachers.  I get shit from my friends because I don’t out in public without bronzer, gloss and mascara, and Michael is always on my case about how long it takes me to get ready before we go out… but here’s the thing… this is me!

Me at 25… I had no idea what the hell I was doing….lol

Don’t get me wrong, I love to lounge around the house in sweats and even on an occasion I will run out to the store in (brace yourself) jeans, sweatshirt, and Uggs; and when my students see me they barely recognize me..lol.  But most of the time this is me: a high strung, glitter loving, champagne drinking, high heel wearing, pink obsessed, perfectionist.  It took me a LONG time to get to this place, but I’m actually starting to love who I am.  Throughout my teens and 20’s I struggled to find “the real Tantra”.  I traveled the world aimlessly looking for her.  I changed my hair, my style, my interests, my major, my location… my life… just to find myself back where I started… HOME.

At first I struggled being here in small town USA (and there are days that I still do), because I just don’t blend in. I tried to be like  the other girls… the really cool-laid back chics who ride four-wheelers and snow mobiles, go camping, and shoot guns.  Believe me, I CAN and have done all of these things, I just don’t like to.  I tried soooo hard to be THAT girl, to the point where I didn’t even recognize myself when I looked into the mirror.  It wasn’t until after I had Ella that I finally had enough…

I couldn’t have my daughter growing up with a weak and insecure mother! I want to be a good, strong, healthy role model to my daughter (and my students).  I want her to look at me and be proud of the person I am and the strength that I have.  I want Ella to know that she REALLY can be anything she wants to and I will do my best to make sure she achieves it.  Here’s the thing, and I wish my 31 year old self could sit down with my 13 year old self and say this:  YOU ARE AMAZING…I have a feeling that Ella will be the cool, laid back, tutu and glitter wearing, four-wheeler riding, pink obsessed, gun shooting, princess and I am beyond thrilled with that…. She WILL know how special and beautiful she is.  I will hug and kiss her obsessively even though she doesn’t want me to.  I will be her best friend, BIGGEST fan, and her worst enemy (probably all in the same day at one point).  But most of all, I will teach her to LOVE herself because the world can be a tough place and she is AMAZING the way she is!

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I love getting glammed up for the hell of it.  I wear belts covered in glitter on a regular basis.  I wear make up to the gym (not full face but enough not to look scary).  I hate running in the rain because it ruins my hair.   try not to wear the same outfit the entire school year (yes I can replicated tops and bottoms just interchange them).  I’d rather wear heels than boots (the higher the better).  I’m not a great cook (but I AM going to get better).  I can plan the shiz out of a party (gimme a theme, I’ll show you a good time). I’m pretty crafty, totally bad ass with a glue gun..  I wear colored contacts just to change me look.  I like love getting compliments on my outfits. I’d rather read fashion magazines that books (but I go through phases where I will read tons of books). I like me and Ella to wear matching outfits (there will be a day that will end, so for now I’m embracing it). I’m not shallow, I just like to be my BEST self.  I’m not a ditz because I care about the way I look, I possess a masters degree and one day will get my PHD… one day. This is just who I am… and ya know what? I FINALLY think I’m pretty awesome….



23 thoughts on “I’m just not THAT kind of girl…

  1. OMG! This is such an amazing post and so me and so many levels! Thanks for the inspiration to be OKAY with that!!! Would you mind if I used this post as one of next weeks Friday Favs?!

  2. I think you’re awesome too! I love this post and the Dr sues quote is one of my favorites! It’s funny because I used to try to be a girly girl and fashionista like you in my 20s when I’m definitely more of a Tom boy (aside from loving the color pink). Being comfortable in your own skin is an amazing thing, and it’s funny how that confidence is something a lot of us finally achieve in out 30s! Have a great weekend!

  3. More power to you for putting yourself out there and saying “This is who I am!” I have tried to be a glamour girl like you (and I totally respect you for being able to pull it off), but it’s really hard work, and just not me! I go through phases of trying to look my best but most of the time you won’t find me wearing makeup (or very little) and I just don’t care what people think about how I look. I feel great about myself and that’s all that matters! 🙂

  4. This is a great post- such an encouragement to hear a girl fully embrace who she is without putting down anyone who is different, and acknowledging that we are all amazing and cool in our own ways and that the important thing is that we discover who we are and embrace it and live that out on purpose! I am the girl in jeans and tanks and flip flops and trucker hats and little makeup, running in the rain- and I love you are not!! And that we can embrace that and we can still live and love this crazy world side by side and appreciate so many things about people so different than us. Such a pleasure to read this.

    1. Thank you!!!! I’m sooo glad that you enjoyed it…. That’s what’s sooo great about the blog world: We are all soooo different yet the same…we have each others backs, celebrate each other and love one another just the way they are… Loving and owning yourself is the best and when others celebrate you “well that’s just FABULOUS”💋

  5. I just LOVE this post, Tantra. Amen! I have had so many feelings of insecurities and questions of “who am I” throughout my life. I think it takes a lot of courage to break out of the comparison trap and societal messages and just be you. It’s not easy. As someone who teaches college classes, I get a lot of positive and negative critiques based on my looks and age alone (which I can’t control). I finally realized that I just need to be who I am when I’m at work, at home, around my friends, and so forth. People are always going to judge, but who cares. It’s my life! Thank you for the reminder!

  6. You go chica!! That’s awesome that you are happy and comfortable in your own skin. Small town eh’ what’s your small? I grew up in a small town too

    1. I can’t even tell you how many people are in my town, but my graduating class was 126ish… We have two traffic lights and one is a blinking one, so it kind of counts as a stop sign lol…

      1. Somewhat similar to story I grew up in the small town of pisgah, Maryland with no stop lights and now I live in a town where you can literally go from end to end in about 10 minutes lol

      2. lol… small town USA…. it’s so annoying yet so comforting. I love that I know 95% of the people in my town. I hate that it’s gossip central… I would like to have like a second home here and live in the city, and spend my weekends and summers here.. only in the perfect world, lol.

  7. This is the exact message I’m trying to teach my 9 year old daughter. Sometimes it feels like a lot of pressure as a dad, knowing my little one will form her vision of relationships based in part upon what she sees in me. I try every day to encourage her to explore and discover herself, understand how strong peer pressure can be, love other people but never tolerate disrespect. She amazes me every day at how strong her sense of identity is.

    1. I love this! I was just talking about raising kids and I’m more worried about Ella than Brady bc being a girl is tough… That’s why you need really tough girls;) good job on raising a strong girl💋

  8. I can totally relate. Why being someone else, when you can be unique by being you. I’m all about lace, flowers, dresses, high-rise jeans or any other historical inspired outfit. When you start listening to inner self you feel so much better and you form your own identity by doing so.

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